I’ve been seeing red for the past week. Literally. I discovered a few days ago that my entire upper body had broken out in a massive rash, because I’m apparently allergic to the codeine that was in the cough syrup prescribed to me for the sinus infection that still won’t die. But that wasn’t the only thing that got under my skin.
I was offered an opportunity recently to pitch a script idea. This could be a huge step forward for me in terms of giving me a screenwriting career. I came up with an idea that I liked only to discover I was the only one who liked it because it didn’t check off the right buzzwords. It had a strong lead character and a positive message, but that didn’t matter because it wouldn’t sell. At first I got legitimately angry about this and then I realized that there was no point because if I changed anything, I’d be doing it for the wrong reasons. I would rather die with something I’m proud of than live on something I can’t stand behind. And that’s how I live my whole life.
This week was the Television Critics Association press tour, so I took my anger and my allergic reaction and my sinus infection up to Pasadena to support my friends on Chicago Justice. Philip Winchester and I have known each other for the last six years and that’s the perfect example of what I’m talking about. This will be the third show on which we’ve worked together, and the last two never really got their due respect. I took so much crap for championing The Player, to the point where I almost punched somebody a few months ago because she decided to be negative about it to my face.
But it never mattered to me that the show wasn’t successful. What mattered to me was the joy I got out of working on it with a very talented cast and crew. Philip is honestly the best actor I’ve ever seen before I met him, and I sometimes can’t believe that we’re friends. Sometimes I just stand there dumbfounded like I did on Wednesday looking at him and realizing he was noticing me. The executive vice president of NBC told him I was there, and then told me that Philip was so happy to hear it. That’s not counting the high-five he gave me when I told him about the launch of One Chicago Center or the hug we shared after. This man is amazing, inside and out, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to help him. That’s what I hold onto, not whether we win or lose.
I’m already excited for Chicago Justice because I can see the potential in it. Not just Philip, or my other friends Monica Barbaro and Joelle Carter, or holy crap Carl Weathers and Jon Seda are in this. But I sat across a table from the show’s executive producer Michael Chernuchin and we just started talking. Talking about how he wants to tell stories that affect people and how far the medium has come since Law & Order launched in 1990. That’s the kind of stuff I’m passionate about. I want to do something that challenges people, that affects and inspires them, and I believe that Justice can do that. So I’m already along for the ride.
After I went through that, after I talked to Michael and laughed with Philip and got hugged by Monica, I realized I really don’t mind what happens next. If I’m able to come up with an idea that works and get a movie made and my next blog is telling you all about it, that’s great and I’ll be grateful. But not if I have to change what I believe in to do it. If this still winds up being me writing pages in the middle of the night and cheering for Philip from the sidelines, I’m okay with that too because at least then I’ve stayed true to myself. I’m here to change the world, not to change myself. Love has always been my only weapon, and I’m not putting it down any time soon.